Thursday, July 27, 2006


I'm back--sort of. Taking two weeks off from my normal habitat hasn't gone too well with my blogging habit and I am feeling a bit blogged down at the moment. Just to kick start my addiction one more time, I thought there's nothing better than sharing a few jokes. Montreal Gazette of July 24 compiled the best ones from this year's comedy festival.

Of course, due to my limited intellectual capacity I could laugh only at some of them.

Montreal is a pretty cool town. Strip club, church, strip club, church. A lap-dancing vicar could get some work in this town.
Andy Parsons, Britcom

I have a theory: The world would be a better place if ignorance was painful. The stupider you are, the worse the pain gets.
Tim Nutt, Bubbling with Laughter

My computer beat me at chess. I beat him at kickboxing.
Demetri Martin, Bubbling with Laughter

I want to go to the beach and bury metal objects that say "get a life" on them.
Demetri Martin, Bubbling with Laughter

I came from a really big family, got a really big family tree. I call it a family cactus because there's a lot of pricks.
Todd Allen, Homegrown Comics

My two favorite things in world are done in bed: sex and sleep. If I could do the two at the same time, I'd be a happy man. I've always envied my girlfriend that gift.
Ed Byrne, Gala.

I am so fat I'm amazed I get laid. Thank God, I'm rich and famous.
Drew Carey, Gala

My girlfriend asked me: "Are you having sex behind my back?" I said: "Who the hell did you think it was?"
Jimmy Carr, Gala

I don't make love to pretty women for two reasons. One, I can't. Two, they won't.
Jay Oakerson, Nasty Show



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